Who Takes Care of Me? A Realistic Self-Care Shift for Busy Women, Moms, and Caregivers
Stop waiting to be poured into—learn how to care for yourself now without disappearing in your own life.
Recently I listened to Emma Grede share her views on family and motherhood while being a working woman.
And I found myself in a state of ponderance particularly when she explained the disconnect between women being in service to their families, as opposed to seeing themselves as an equally deserving member of it — a critical one, at that.
It reminded me of the many conversations I witnessed where this was not only true in natal families, but also the norm in romantic relationships, friendships, community and work environments.
“Give all of yourself. Sacrifice for the greater good. One day they’ll understand and appreciate you. They’ll thank you and, when they’re able, they’ll give it to you in return.”
I can’t tell you how many times this script played over in my mind in the last 15 years, at least.
Or how many nights I laid awake overwhelmed with everything I had to take care of, wondering —
Who takes care of me?
And the deeply uncomfortable realization that, despite being loved…
no one was coming.
A Different Kind of Responsibility
For a long time, that realization didn’t feel empowering.
It felt disappointing.
Like I had spent years pouring into others,
waiting for it to come back in the same way…
and it didn’t.
And I had to sit with that. To just…be honest about what it cost me.
The time I spent waiting.
The energy I gave away.
The quiet hope that others would meet me there.
But somewhere in that honesty, something shifted and I started recognizing something much simpler:
If I wanted to feel taken care of…
I was capable of doing that.
And that’s when the question changed from, “who takes care of me?” to “How am I showing up for myself right now?”.
What the Women in Nursing Homes Taught Me
It also brought me back to something I learned years ago, sitting in nursing homes, listening to older women reflect on their lives.
They didn’t talk about what they built as much as they talked about what they gave.
And often… what they gave was at the expense of themselves.
That stayed with me.
Because one of my core values has always been this:
Don’t miss being in the life you’re working so hard to build.
And as life expands—as we’re trusted with more, needed more, relied on more— there’s a quiet responsibility that comes with that.
To make sure you are included in what you’re holding.
Not as an afterthought or when everything else is done. But as part of it from the beginning.
I Take Care of Me
I take care of me.
Through small, steady decisions throughout the day, I’m making intentional choices not to leave myself behind.
When something feels off, I notice it and respond instead of pushing through.
It’s giving myself the same care and attention I’ve so easily given to everyone else.
And if I’m honest, it also came with a level of accountability. Because once I stopped waiting for someone else to do it, I couldn’t ignore when I wasn’t showing up for myself either.
Practical Examples
This week, showing up for myself looked a little like this:
Enjoying a coffee break barefoot on the patio
Soaking in a bath, silently, by candlelight
Picking up faux flowers from Hobby Lobby so I could style without adding something to care for
Journaling my thoughts out before they became heavy in my mind
Asking my hubby to help carry a few things upstairs
Prioritizing attending yoga class at the studio to be among like-minded folks
None of it was big.
But it kept me steady — and present with myself.
Staying with myself
What I’ve come to understand is this:
Taking care of myself doesn’t take me away from my life.
It lets me be more present in it.
The responsibilities are still there.
The people I love are still cared for.
The work still gets done.
But I’m not disappearing while I do it.
I’m there too. And that’s the shift.
Not waiting to be taken care of.
Not proving how much I can carry.
Just choosing—again and again—
to stay with myself inside the life I’m building.
Because I am a part of it. And I deserve to experience it that way.
Before you go…
If you take anything from this, let it be this:
Don’t disappear inside your own life.
Not for the sake of holding everything together.
Not in the hope that one day it will come back around to you.
It might.
It might not.
But your life is happening now.
Your joy isn’t waiting for a return.
And it isn’t something owed to you later.
You don’t have to earn your place in your own life.
You’re already a part of it. 🤍
With Love,
Ambyr
